Dream of the Grey Floods

I sleep with my window open. We need well circulated air. I believe in this.
In Calgary, -35 with wind chill, the window over my bed was open a crack, still.
The thunder has been waking me up lately but the sound of rain hitting the wide pool that has replaced the backyard lawn is what goes into my ears and then into my dreams.
I only remember my dreams on days off, when my sleep is not halted at 0515 in the a.m.
I used to also believe that I most vividly recalled morning dreams when it was raining, because my ears were attendant to the sounds of real outside, thereby keeping my deep dream state only waist deep in unconsciousness. The brain can't do everything at once, though we try to make it.
It's the kind of day where you might watch Gattaca.
Water has nothing to do with taxes, but they are done.

A Big Shout-Out to Hallmark

suckday
Originally uploaded by Sarah Lebo.

Dear Hallmark Cards Inc. ,
Thanks for the complex! What a gift! It is such an over-the-top thing to bestow on a person! I don't deserve it! I thought I would be blind to the title that Monday bore, and yet, your present still arrived at my door and now it is managing to make me feel bad! And I'm strong!
No, really, I don't want it.
I don't deserve it.
None of us do.

Love,
Sarah

And also...

I wish to strongly encourage you to read something rare and sweet. It is a eulogy by my mom for Cyrus. It's short and it makes a stain.
It makes me want to delete my posting and start over, to write something better, but it would be futile.

I will not say do not weep - for not all tears are an evil.

I want to say something about Cyrus that would make you twist with tears.
Our regal brother...

I am remembering the night I lay on the floor with Cyrus Lebo for the first time. He had already been a Lebo for many years.
I was slow to love him...this is a sin...today such delay in my appreciation of Cyrus feels like an evil.
For many years I cringed at the thought of touching his belly.

I was lucky you see because in a language without words, Cyrus is also called Cyrus The Forgiving. That night on the floor he embraced me
when he heard I was near, and crying.
Overhead of us, credits were rolling.I had just seen Waking the Dead, and the house was empty except for us.
When I say he held me, I mean he literally
embraced me right there, there down on the floor.
My face was on the berber and he looked at me.

For this I will always be grateful.

Cyrus met you at the door when you came back from being away and he would talk to you. Again, he forgave you and your absence. He would ask you about your travels. Say, what was your favorite beer? Who did you meet. Will you be going away again, tell me the answer is no.
When I say he spoke, I really mean that he did, with intonations and syllables and subtle gesticulations of his mouth and eyes.

Yesterday, mom and dad and sister encircled him, and I was not there but they were with him on the floor, all together. He was on a blanket and he looked at them, he gave and he got love, and then his travelling shoes were laced in a double knot. He boarded the great grey ship and underneath that fur, he became cold.

His like will not be there again.

A Walk On The Stove

IMG_0004
Originally uploaded by Sarah Lebo.

[The following has been jotted down in an attempt to be silly when really I want to be quite something else altogether.]
Last night I saw this wee man and I said: Oh, look, there goes Mr. Frodo again.
The tower of Cirith Ungol is one thing, but the Tablets of Torched Tofu are quite another. He joined us for dinner, and then was on his way.

Research Is My Boyfriend

just like titanic
Originally uploaded by Sarah Lebo.

This week's theme is espresso machine research. This here is the Francis!Francis! X3, and so far it is my favorite.
I cannot afford one today but am being future-oriented instead; I am planning, being responsible and yet not.
I watched Return to Paradise today courtesy of TiVo. Vince Vaughn, pre-puffy. Joaquin Phoenix, not looking good. A movie with integrity simply because it doesnt end well. This is what I also liked about 50 First Dates, that it had the cajones to not end perfectly (eg, she doesnt regain her memory-skills).
Also saw Bad Education today, which was hard for me as it contained episodes tinged with sexual tension as well as Gael Garcia Bernal. on the way to said movie with Libby's pal Joseph, got an americano at Zona Rosa and met the barista who is friendly and remembered me by my ring for some reason and her name is Eowyn.
It was a glossy movie, that is what I can say. It went on too long and became a whodunit when it didnt have to, in my opinion. Music was great however.
Waiting for me on the porch was a wee figurine for my dashboard of Frodo wearing the crow's beak mask and orc armor when he is going through mordor. I also ordered a ringwraith for the same purpose but it is very gigantic and ugly and must be returned.
But enough about me and my opinions!

Thing of the Day

My thing of the day for today, February 2, 2005 shall be:
The video for U2's *All Because of You*.
You ask why.

I tell you.

I tell you: it is because of all the schoolchildren, businesspeople, newspapermen and those without homes,real people. Just hoardes of people completely giddy in public together, in the middle of the day running sideways alongside a flatbed truck.
Completely losing it.

Oh to completely lose it once again, all over, in repeating circles....